His Say: Shopping For Her
Every man has, at some time, experienced the awkward tension which strikes the moment his girlfriend steps into the shop's changing room to try on...something.
Thumbs are twiddled. The time is checked and rechecked. Garments on nearby racks are thoughtfully fondled, as if to demonstrate to potential onlookers the very legitimacy of his presence.
And when she finally emerges from the booth, he's just so happy to be together with her again that whatever it is she's wearing gets enthusiastic praise. Uncomfortable as this is, the man consoles himself, at least I'm not shopping for my girlfriend... alone.
When a man enters the chaotic world of a women's shop, his tidily ordered concept of "shopping" is grabbed, shaken and flipped upside down.
Firstly, there's the music -- loud, top 100 dance tracks. Secondly, there are photos on the walls showing giggling women wearing thousand dollar sunglasses and looking perfect whilst frolicking on a beach, which only serve to make cost estimates triple.
Thirdly, there's an atmosphere of fun (which in no way jibes with what my girlfriend tells me is fierce one-upwomanship in these places) that is hugely intimidating. And on top of all that, there's the nagging, tiny voice inside him, urging him to make damned certain the salesperson knows he's shopping for someone else.
Men's shops are inherently, well, male. These are serious places where serious decisions are made. There's a respectful, sombre decorum followed by salespeople and customers alike, who consider ties an investment and a suit a career decision.
Personally, I feel varying levels of discomfort when shopping for my girlfriend which are directly associated with the item I'm looking for. I approach cosmetics counters and shoe shops with no more angst than one would associate with, say, visiting a dentist for a simple cleaning.
But there are three categories of items a man can buy for a woman where the shopping's psychological equivalent can only be visiting a dentist for root canal: Lingerie, Dresses and Female Hygiene Products (okay, it's not as dramatic as all that but it's still a challenge -- I'd imagine it's the rough equivalent of what a woman feels the first time she asks the chemist for a box of lubricated condoms).
Individually, shopping for these items runs the difficultness gamut from not a huge deal (tampons, for instance: I mean, what could I do with them?) to awkward (the salesperson never knows: I could be one of those guys who has use for a dress) to downright red-faced coy boyishness ("Does that garter belt come in flesh?"). But embarrassing as it may be, at some point in any relationship it has to be done.
With the psychological cards stacked against me, knowing that I'll make my girlfriend happy when I come home laden with gifts doesn't quite provide enough incentive for me to rush into the swirling, neon-lit music video of a women's shop.
To cross the threshold requires the same steadfast belief in "the ends justify the means" I had when I bought my first girlie-mag: "It's Normal. Everyone does it. It's Easy. Just walk up to the counter, look the cashier in the eye, pay. Maybe ask the time. Then leave. Whew!"
But to reach that stage, one has to consider Pros and Cons carefully. As a public service, I've outlined here what I believe are The Pros and Cons of Shopping For My Girlfriend:
Pros
(1) Gorgeous lingerie saleswomen strutting about the shop with Madonna-styled business suits-over-sexy-black-lingerie (Look-don't-touch applies here); (2) saleswomen treat me really nicely because they think I'm such a great guy for shopping for "her"; (3) picking lingerie out myself ensures I'll like it when it's on as much as I do when it comes off; (4) my girlfriend treats me really nicely because she thinks I'm such a great guy for shopping for her; (5) time saved - I don't have to try on a dress seventeen times before deciding it will look good on her; (6) money saved - I can make up my mind and come home with one blouse instead of three blouses of which she'll wear one; (7) stress saved - shopping with a mate for a mate is like a snowball fight: it may be fun now but you know it will end badly; (8) I get turned on by imagining what she'll look like in what I'm buying and then seeing how right I am; (9) the evening when I bring it home; (10) the next morning, etc...
Cons
(1) The fear (well-known to those who rent adult films) that the cashier will thrust the item skyward and bellow across the shop, "Hey, Ted, how much for the SUPER TAMPON 100 PACK"; (2) getting hit by a bus on your way home and having your purchase spread all over the street; (3) meeting some friends on the way home and having them say, "what's in the bag?"; (4) they'll look in it anyway as soon as you head for the toilet; (5) if she hates it it's not just a slight on the item it's an indictment of your taste (6) even if she loves it, if you don't do it often enough it will just make her suspicious ("why this... Why today?').
As one can see, Pros far outweigh Cons. And if you think that knowing all that makes it any easier for me, think again. Because even though I love the results, even though I feel great when she loves something I've bought her, every time I go to enter the shop, the same tape starts running through my head: "It's normal...Everyone does it. Just walk up to the saleswoman...."